Bestfriend

I made this blog to get all my rants going about the person who were supposed to go through life with me but ended up ruining my entire life. So, let the story begin. I’m a youth leader at my church and I hold youth meetings every week. In May 20, 2011, He and his family were invited to attend by one member. He didn’t quite make an impression to me. Although, it’s my responsibility to welcome new people and make them feel comfortable to the extent of having them stay. No one in my group dares to be all warm and welcoming to new young people. I’ve always given no choice but to initiate the talking always. Weird thing about this kid, I spoke to his mom the very first day and she had already asked me for help to know her son and establish a relationship with him. Apparently, this kid hates calgary so much and would rather go back to toronto where he used to live in. The kid is lonely, has no friends, hates east indian people (he lives in the NE so he always sees them), and is really bitter about everything. As a youth leader, I felt that huge responsibility over this kid. I started calling him for hangouts, driving him around showing how beautiful Calgary is (for some parts), watching movies together, introducing him to my friends, going to his house, and having sleepovers. I did not have any intentions to be his best friend and it just happened. I remember having a condo with him in the mall when we were eating and he asked me if i believe in best friends and I said no due to my bad experiences with them. He asked me if I wanted to try it out. I didn’t give that much care until we had that colloquial term …..I’d say “spark” and everything felt so great with him. We always talked almost everyday in the summer even at work and saw each other every single week. He became a huge chunk of my life. It felt like he’s the one older than me even though he’s 3 yrs younger than me. He checked up on me all the time to see if i had eaten already, calls me whenever he feels i’m sad and something is wrong with me, and he even comes over to my house to sleep with me to make me feel better. He was so caring about me and I just gave my whole self to him. Everything happened naturally. Until the day came, we were both invited by our friends to go to the zoo and spend a day together. I had asked my friend that time to help us both make our relationship stronger because we often had fights and i didnt like to hurt him. We had a confrontation about our fights. He opened up himself saying he feels choked, he didn’t want to tell me earlier about how his family always sided with me, and the striking statement was i didn’t want to be best friends with you anymore. I carried it with me until now. He said now he knows my true self, he no longer wants to be with me. I admit I think he got sick of the way I was always there for him. Though i feel this is unfair, I had opened up myself for him trusting him that this friendship will be different that those i had in the past. I wasted my time and effort being best friends with him for 6 months. I continually hoped for our friendship to get back to where we were before. I got eager to prove myself to him. I kept pushing myself in to him. I realized at the end that the more I push things to happen, the more grew distant from each other. It’s pissing me off. I was there to help him decide and his family whether to stay here in calgary or go back to toronto, was there to help him look for a great school and encouraged him to get into IB, was there to pray for his needs and support him on all his decisions, was there to give him friends and I was basically there to make his life better and easier. All the friendship I gave him, he pays them back with rude text messages, bitter conversation replies and ignores me all the time at church. What hits me most, it became the opposite now. I used to not care when we had fights before, he was always there to comfort me and be sorry all the time. Now, I feel that I’m running after him, pleading for forgiveness, eating up my pride, and letting him know how much I care for him. I would never forget when he told me “i got tired of caring, I’m sick of all our drama”. This is so inhumane. Every time I see him, my heart is crushed into pieces. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I tried giving him time and space to make him realize what he really wants to do. Until now, theres no change. I apologized many many times. I deleted his number in my iPhone yesterday to make sure I won’t send him anymore text messages. I must get over this kid. Its just hard thinking everyday you wake up you know theres a person who you have a broken relationship with. Especially, I hold accountable for him as his youth leader and its such a bad testimony for other people to know that I’m not in good terms with one my members. Everyday I think about him, he’s always the person in my mind. I hope that time will definitely heal his heart and we’ll get to where we were before. I really miss him. I miss having him as my brother. I miss everything we used to do. It’s so depressing blogging about this but I had to let everything out in one blog I guess. I hate life. I hate the fact that we met. I know talking about the reasons why we stopped being tight are a bit shallow, my friend and I think theres more into it. He can’t just suddenly abandon the one who supported him all throughout. This is b.s. Bye